Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
