i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
