At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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