Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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