So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
