So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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