I don't usually arrange sex via text message
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
