I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
