i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
