Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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