How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
