I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
