I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
