Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I have post one night stand depression
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
