he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
you traded sex for a burrito?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
