im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
