i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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