You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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