Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
