I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
