So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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