And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
