i would punch a child for taco bell
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
