You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
