She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
