My sheets look like a crime scene.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
