I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
