i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
