So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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