Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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