After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize
