It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
