She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
