My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
