My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
