Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
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