oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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