I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
