I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
