My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
