the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You are the jesus of drinking
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
