i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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