Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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