I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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