you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
