You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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