I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Randomize
