i already hear my dad disowning me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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