Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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