I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
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