OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
