You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
