"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
